The brown eye won't let me do that either.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
