in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize