That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
