Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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