The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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