I cannot find my penis.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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