weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
