Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I'm sobbing to NWA
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize