just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
