I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
