she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
