Your tits are I can't wait for
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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