My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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