The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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