there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
