how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
