Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
