i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
false alarm. still invincible.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
