Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
