true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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