forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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