You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
