i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
