I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
