Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
