you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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