Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
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I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
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Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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