Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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