After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
