nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
