Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
