Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
