you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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