Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
