So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
