Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
