He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
