we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
