no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
