You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
