so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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