I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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