She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
How drunk are you?
Completed.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
