girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
