remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
