If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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