I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
