No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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