When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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