I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i may or may not be watching the land before time
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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