dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Randomize
