im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Randomize
