It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
