I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
