On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
