Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
