So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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