Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
