It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
