got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
