Betty ford says i'm here all night
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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