WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
