So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
im holly from the hills drunk
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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