shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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