brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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