I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Randomize
