he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
