i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
