and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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